Paul instructs Titus here to lead a healthy church by doing a few things. First, to focus on the things that matter. Second, and related, to avoid those things that will not help us move forward with our service to God. And finally, to stop this who are undermining the work of the Church and the truth of the gospel.
In Titus 3:8, Paul calls back to the statement he has just made about the gospel, and the mechanisms for living out good works these he has walked through all through this letter. These are the things that matter that we are to focus on, and the “excellent and profitable” works we are to undertake.
On the other hand, we must avoid that which is unprofitable. The instruction in verse 9 echoes the advice given to Timothy in both epistles Paul wrote to him, in 1 Timothy 1:3-4 & 6:4-5, and 2 Timothy 2:14. There is a place for discussion and debate, but ultimately they completely separate from the vital things of the gospel. It is very easy to get wrapped around quarrels about words.
And there are people out there whose primary goals when entering a church are centered around argument and debate. That is when verses 10-11 come into play – but keep in mind that not every argument or disagreement rises to this level. We cannot let disagreements rise to a level that they distract the church from the work of the gospel.
We see this in Matthew 18 as well – the principle is clear, that we should start at the lowest level possible and then only escalating to involve additional people as necessary – and always with the goal of bringing people to repentance. Ultimately, these behind questions is attitude. If someone listens and has an attitude of humility and grace, there will be no reason for things to escalate. If the attitude is one of belligerence, pride or divisiveness, then it is that attitude which becomes the problem, not the original problem. This was a common problem – see also Romans 16:17.
There will always be disagreements and conflict in church. Our responsibility is to deal with those, one on one at first, rather than just leaving our avoiding the issue.
One of Jesus’ most difficult instructions to us was to seek unity. Most issues that cause division within a church on a day to day basis don’t matter. They are trivial issues that entirely disappear when put in the light of eternity. There are extreme situations that do happen, but the principles remain the same. Focus on the lordship of Christ, and stop or avoid that which distracts from serving Him.
-Sermon Notes, Mahlon Friesen, Seed Church, Lynnwood, WA, March 1, 2020