The world and Christianity have both done a number on our understanding of sex, a swinging pendulum between selfishness and shame. We see this in the Corinthian church, with some engaging in prostitution and even worse, while others seeing sex itself as bad in any context. The latter is addressed here, as Paul unpacks what Christian sexuality should look like.
Paul himself was single, and may certainly have been tempted to agree with the Corinthian assertion that “it is good for a man not to touch a woman.” But he did not do that, and acknowledged that sex is not only permissible within marriage, but a moral good and a required duty.
Like us, the Corinthians live in a society saturated with sex. Then and now, there were plenty of opportunities and even pressure to take sex outside of the marriage relationship. The answer to that, though, is for active engagement in sexuality on the part of both spouses, to serve and fulfill the needs and desires of the other.
Note that Paul here does not mention this in the context of bearing children. Sex here is clearly about bestowing pleasure on the other partner, not solely about procreation. The emphasis on giving versus demanding or denying here is clear. We should be competing to out-serve each other, both in our lives together in general and specifically in the marriage bed.
The key word in Paul’s command here is “stop” – stop depriving, stop defrauding your spouse. The Corinthians here who think they are being spiritual are in fact no better than those described earlier who are getting involved with lawsuits.
Paul does make a concession that, if both parties agree, if they devote themselves instead to prayer, and if they keep it temporary, then at that point they can take a break. The concessions serve to emphasize the importance of the command.
Today, we generally don’t use the “spirituality” excuse to deny sex. Instead, it tends to come from a degradation of the relationship, often with the marital sex relationship being replaced, whether with porn, romance novels, or affairs, whether emotional or physical. It can also come from a wrong view of sex. If we see sex as a privilege, it can become used as a reward or a weapon.
Likewise, if we see it only through the lens of only what we want, then even the understanding of sex as a responsibility can be used as a weapon, and that is just as wrong as the former issue. In all this, we have a unique opportunity to follow Christ in potentially the most pleasurable way possible.
Sex is an opportunity to serve as He served, to lay down our rights as He did. Christ is both our model and motivation even in the marriage bed. Love your spouse in a way the seeks to serve rather than be served.
– Sermon Notes, Jeff Krabach, Seed Church, Lynnwood, WA
1 Corinthians 7
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